Why Do Women Have To?

Woman’s Reflection on Leading Prayer
© 2005 Yasmin Mogahed

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On March 18, 2005, Amina Wadud led the first female-led Jumuah (Friday) prayer. On that day women took a huge step towards being more like men. But, did we come closer to actualizing our God-given liberation?

I don’t think so.

What we so often forget is that God has honored the woman by giving her value in relation to God—not in relation to men. But as western feminism erases God from the scene, there is no standard left—but men. As a result the western feminist is forced to find her value in relation to a man. And in so doing she has accepted a faulty assumption. She has accepted that man is the standard, and thus a woman can never be a full human being until she becomes just like a man—the standard.

When a man cut his hair short, she wanted to cut her hair short. When a man joined the army, she wanted to join the army. She wanted these things for no other reason than because the “standard” had it.

What she didn’t recognize was that God dignifies both men and women in their distinctiveness–not their sameness.
And on March 18, Muslim women made the very same mistake.

For 1400 years there has been a consensus of the scholars that men are to lead prayer. As a Muslim woman, why does this matter? The one who leads prayer is not spiritually superior in any way. Something is not better just because a man does it. And leading prayer is not better, just because it’s leading. Had it been the role of women or had it been more divine, why wouldn’t the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa alihi wa salam) have asked Ayesha or Khadija, or Fatima (radi Allahu anhum)—the greatest women of all time—to lead? These women were promised heaven—and yet they never lead prayer.

But now for the first time in 1400 years, we look at a man leading prayer and we think, "That’s not fair." We think so although God has given no special privilege to the one who leads. The imam is no higher in the eyes of God than the one who prays behind.

On the other hand, only a woman can be a mother. And God has given special privilege to a mother. The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa alihi wa salam) taught us that heaven lies at the feet of mothers. But no matter what a man does he can never be a mother. So why is that not unfair?

When asked who is most deserving of our kind treatment? The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa alihi wa salam) replied 'your mother' three times before saying 'your father' only once. Isn’t that sexist? No matter what a man does he will never be able to have the status of a mother.

And yet even when God honors us with something uniquely feminine, we are too busy trying to find our worth in reference to men, to value it—or even notice. We too have accepted men as the standard; so anything uniquely feminine is, by definition, inferior. Being sensitive is an insult, becoming a mother—a degradation. In the battle between stoic rationality (considered masculine) and self-less compassion (considered feminine), rationality reigns supreme.

As soon as we accept that everything a man has and does is better, all that follows is just a knee jerk reaction: if men have it—we want it too. If men pray in the front rows, we assume this is better, so we want to pray in the front rows too. If men lead prayer, we assume the imam is closer to God, so we want to lead prayer too. Somewhere along the line we’ve accepted the notion that having a position of worldly leadership is some indication of one’s position with God.

A Muslim woman does not need to degrade herself in this way. She has God's word as a standard. She has God to give her value; she doesn’t need a man.



In fact, in our crusade to follow men, we, as women, never even stopped to examine the possibility that what we have is better for us. In some cases we even gave up what was higher only to be like men.

Fifty years ago, society told us that men were superior because they left the home to work in factories. We were mothers. And yet, we were told that it was women’s liberation to abandon the raising of another human being in order to work on a machine. We accepted that working in a factory was superior to raising the foundation of society—just because a man did it.

Then after working, we were expected to be superhuman—the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect homemaker—and have the perfect career. And while there is nothing wrong, by definition, with a woman having a career, we soon came to realize what we had sacrificed by blindly mimicking men. We watched as our children became strangers and soon recognized the privilege we’d given up.

And so only now—given the choice—women in the West are choosing to stay home to raise their children. According to the United States Department of Agriculture, only 31 percent of mothers with babies, and 18 percent of mothers with two or more children, are working full-time. And of those working mothers, a survey conducted by Parenting Magazine in 2000, found that 93% of them say they would rather be home with their kids, but are compelled to work due to ‘financial obligations.’ These ‘obligations’ are imposed on women by the gender sameness of the modern West, and removed from women by the gender distinctiveness of Islam.

It took women in the West almost a century of experimentation to realize a privilege given to Muslim women 1400 years ago.

Given my privilege as a woman, I only degrade myself by trying to be something I’m not–and in all honesty–don’t want to be: a man. As women, we will never reach true liberation until we stop trying to mimic men, and value the beauty in our own God-given distinctiveness.

If given a choice between stoic justice and compassion, I choose compassion. And if given a choice between worldly leadership and heaven at my feet—I choose heaven.

Sheikh Nuh on Motherhood

From Sheikh Nuh,

When she has her first baby, she must manage for another life even more dependent on her personal sacrifices. By the second, third, or fourth child, her days and nights belong almost entirely to others. Whether she has a spiritual path or not, such a mother can seldom resist a glance at the past, when there were more prayers, more meanings, more spiritual company, and more serenity. When Allah opens her understanding, she will see that she is engaged in one of the highest forms of worship, that of producing new believers who love and worship Allah. She is effectively worshipping Allah for as many lifetimes she has children, for the reward of every spiritual work her children do will be hers, without this diminishing anything of their own rewards: every ablution, every prayer, every Ramadan, every hajj, and even the works her children will in turn pass on to their offspring, and, so on till the end of time. Even if her children do not turn out as she wishes, she shall be requited in paradise forever according to her intention in raising them, which was that they should be godly.

Aside from the tremendous reward, within the path itself it is noticeable that many of those who benefit most from khalwa or "solitary retreat of dhikr" are women who have raised children. With only a little daily dhikr and worship over the years, but much toil and sacrifice for others, they surpass many a younger person who has had more free time, effort, and "spiritual works." What they find is greater because their state with Allah is greater; namely, the awe, hope, and love of the Divine they have realized by years of sincerity to Him.

du'a pregnancy

children..

BismilLah

A good friend has asked me to list what are the small things that we can do with children that make them practice the sunnah.. These are some of the things which have been taught by my mother (may Allah have mercy upon her, forgive her and let her be in the best of companions) and observed from other families.
- Waking up with the du'a "AlhamdulilLahi ladzi ahyana ba'da ma amatana wa ilayhin nusyur"
- Brushing teeth and let them play with the miswak.
- Emphasize on RasululLah SallaLlahu alayhi wa alihi wassalam stories, and his favourite colour.. what he like to do etc. Read the stories of Rasuls, sahabi and pious people for bedtime.
- Get them to take a bath and syampoo before noon every friday.. Make friday a big day. Let them wear their favourite shoes etc.
- Always start with the right side on item of clothing etc.
- Washing hands before and after food. and the du'a before and after food.
- Not to touch the food before their father did unless being given permission to do so. (respecting the elderlies)
- Congregation prayers as much as possible and sitting together to recite zikr as a family everyday.
- To kiss the hand of parents, elderly and scholars.
- Covering the head and wearing sandals upon entering WC (and the du'a).
- Reciting 'BismilLah amantu bilLah tawakaltu 'alaLlah, wa la hawla wa la quwata illa bilLah' upon going out from the house.

Sitting in gatherings of knowledge and zikr have big impact as well. We (especially mothers) tend not to be able to listen properly as the children might be a BIG distraction.. but just bear in mind the barakah pouring down in the gatherings. and InsyaAllah and by the grace of Allah.. it will be much easier to teach them about Islam..

And the importance of du'a. As a mom, sometimes you can say something like 'You're a naughty boy' or 'you're so stubborn' without realising that the words might go straight to heaven!

May Allah make it easy for us to take care of our children.. and may they become a source of happiness for us in this world, in the grave and in the hereafter.

How to fold a prayer mat?

BismilLah.

It was so interesting that we just realised that we're losing our adaab.. SubhanaAllah! when we went to Syeikh Abdul Aziz's place.. we learnt lots of things! Indeed so little is our knowledge..
My daughter, Khadijah (6 yrs old) was going to fold a prayer mat and the Sheikh showed her the correct way.. ie.. you have to fold it in such a way that the feet part goes together first.. and not folding it from the lower part to the place you put your head.. SubhanaAllah..
Hmm.. just wondering.. Maybe we have so little knowledge.. because we have little adab?